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I need my boyfriend to be happy

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When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine. I was highly unstable and insecure back then, and most of my relationships revolved around holding me up. For eight years I ping ponged from fling to fling and extreme to extreme—putting myself out there far too soon or completely hiding my authentic self ; expecting mountains to move or anticipating the worst; choosing the wrong people and refusing to let go , or choosing the right people and running away. In each case, I either burdened the guy with a body bag full of my fears and insecurities, or dragged it around myself wondering why dating felt so exhausting. I learned every lesson the hard way, after first proving myself completely insane by doing the same things and over and over again and expecting different results. For each one, I listed a few simple ways to apply those ideas right now.

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I’ve started to feel like my boyfriend isn’t ‘the one’, should I leave?

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A lot of us have been taught that being happy in a relationship is something that just happens. We're told that falling in love looks something like an accident. And a lot of it is on you.

There are choices you can make every day in your relationship that will help you determine how happy you are. It's not a "wait and see" game; it's more of a "be actively involved and make the best of everything" game.

My husband is the coolest person in the entire world to me, and there's no one I'd rather hang out with than him. I feel really lucky to have stumbled across him in my life because we just fit perfectly, but the truth is that we both work on our marriage, too.

Being happy is about making intentional choices to support that happiness. One of my favorite things to say about relationships is this: Expectation is the mother of disappointment. Too often, when we get in long-term relationships, we begin to expect things from our partner. They take the puppy out every morning, so we come to expect it. We do the dishes every evening, so they start to expect us to.

This is the worst thing you can do for your LTR. It doesn't matter how often your partner does something. You should be pleased and excited whenever they do it. By ditching the expectations, you'll not only make them feel more valued, you'll also change your own view to naturally look at the positive aspects of your love.

Spending time as a couple shouldn't always be about making plans, checking off to-do lists, or figuring out each other's work schedules. It should most often be about just hanging out, like it was in the early days of dating, and talking each other's ears off. My husband and I are both professionals, we both have hobbies that take up a lot of time, and we have to, like, pay bills and stuff, so we normally have at least some adulting to discuss.

The majority of our time together is us just being us, hanging out and giving each other access to our brains. We do fun things that bond us as a couple. My husband and I are besties. That said, we also still have our own identities, and we intentionally give each other space every once in a while.

I'll sometimes tell him that he's being totally cranky, and I think it's because he hasn't gone out on his own to do something. He'll tell me I'm being a little moody and that I might want to hole up without him and read a book. Neither of us gets offended at these discussions about space. Instead, we take it for what it is: a loving, caring partner helping us feel more like ourselves.

You don't have to be attached at the hip to make your relationship a happy one. When people ask me the secret to why my husband and I are so disgustingly happy, one thing I always say is that we're both kind to each other — all the time. Now, sure, that doesn't mean we don't get grumpy or annoyed or tired or hangry.

It just means that despite all those things, we remember to be incredibly kind to each other. I love him more than anyone else in the entire world, so why wouldn't I want to be as kind to him as I possibly could? Too often, couples think that because they are together, they can take things out on each other, but that should be the last thing you are doing.

You should be remembering to be sweet and lovely to each other every chance you get. It'll make you both happier in the long-term. Healthy, happy couples realize that their physical connection is just as important as their emotional one. When my husband and I first got married, we "joked" about trying to have sex at least once a day. When we realized that our sexual drives line up, it became less of a joke and more of something that just happened.

Now, it's one of our favorite things! Don't forget that your physical bonding helps makes everything else flow. Remember to prioritize sex to keep yourselves connected. Nothing good ever came from keeping yourself wrapped up and closed off in a relationship.

Before I met my husband, I was never really interested in a long-term commitment to another human being. I thought relationships were stupid, in fact. But then, after I connected with him, I realized that I thought they were stupid because I never found the right fit.

With him, I realized that I wanted to be open and share things with him because I wanted him to be open and share things with me. Letting someone see the parts of yourself that you may not love helps you to realize they aren't that bad, and it helps you start to heal.

In today's society, it's common to badmouth your partner to friends, even in jest. That's one of the ways people relate to each other, by discussing how awful their relationships are. If your relationship is so awful that you need to talk about it badly with friends and family, maybe you shouldn't be in it.

My husband and I never badmouth each other to our friends and family — not even something like, "Oh, he did this today, and it really bothered me.

Our friends and families are great and we love them, but the truth is, our marriage is number one to both of us. To be happy in your relationship, you have to treat it like something unique and rare and precious. You have to treat it like something that you really value. To be happy in your relationship, you have to help your partner be happy in your relationship.

One way to do this is to put them first, as much as possible. Don't let work, school, hobbies, or other commitments get in the way of your love. The truth is, all of those other things are necessary for you to have a happy, well-rounded life, but you should remember to remind your partner as often as possible that they come first.

My husband and I have, as of yet, never canceled an event for the other person. It's simply because neither of us asks for something so big, because we already put each other first so much that we don't need that extra show of affection.

I know that if, at any moment, my husband was out the door to do something, and I asked him to stay home because I really needed him, he would. Don't fall into the "if only" trap with your partner. This will just lead to frustration and anger on both sides. Value their positive traits of which, I'm sure there are many and be glad for who they are.

If you can't, then you might be in the wrong relationship. You should be able to happily value your partner without trying to mold them into something else. Traditional advice dictates that love is a thing that happens to us.

We "fall" in love. We have no control over it, and it is what it is. Well, that might be partially true, but the decision to continue loving someone in a relationship is a choice. It may not sound as romantic as you would like, but the truth is, the key to being happy is deciding, every single day, to continue loving your partner. My husband and I got married as basically strangers : We had only really known each other for eight weeks on our wedding day.

But that didn't matter to us because we had already decided that we knew the most important things we needed to know each other's good hearts and souls and that the rest didn't matter. We'd just continue loving each other every single day forever. True love may be a matter of destiny, but making a relationship work isn't.

It's a matter of choosing your partner, day after day, week after week, and month after month, until those all turn into years.

Being happier in your relationship is something you have control over. If you really want to know how to be happy in a relationship, the truth is that it comes from your own behavior and your own mind.

By following the tips on this list, you can start being happier in your relationship right now. By Anjali Sareen Nowakowski. Ditch The Expectations. About Contact Newsletter Terms Privacy.

10 subtle signs your partner is no longer happy in your relationship

Of course people in a relationship should make each other happy, but in order to have a healthy, fulfilling life together, I firmly believe that people in a relationship first need to find happiness individually. I want him to be his own person and make the most of his life. Unfortunately, all of this is leading to me feeling like the relationship scale is starting to tilt unevenly.

It happens to many girls, especially in long-term relationships. There are several reasons that you might be feeling unhappy regardless of how much you may love your boyfriend. Your reason may not be on this list because your relationship is unique.

Regardless of the seriousness of your relationship, the feeling of not knowing what your partner's thinking is something everyone can all relate to. But let's face it, it's mentally exhausting trying to decode every text or dissect every conversation. And then there's the dilemma of whether you should say something or not? Will doing so start a fight if there really is nothing going on?

How To Be Happy In A Relationship By Doing These 10 Subtle Things Every Day

The simplest and usually best way to keep a boyfriend around is to make him feel happy. Instead, make your boyfriend feel happy by showing that you understand him, caring for him, and appreciating him for who he is. John Keegan. Be a good listener. The best thing you can do to make your boyfriend happy is to let him feel heard and understood. Do your best to support him, and even be nurturing at times, in a gentle, kind way. However, don't smother him, because it's important that he still has his space, as well. Our Expert Agrees: Learn how your boyfriend communicates his love, and make sure that's being reciprocated. For example, if you know he's a very physical person who likes to touch and hold hands, and you're not doing that, he's going to feel hurt and upset, even if you're giving him gifts and words of affirmation.

16 Simple Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Happy

Of course, your boyfriend also needs that extraordinary joy you can give to him. Making your partner happy is vital in a relationship. In fact that is one of the ingredients to making your relationship stronger and long lasting. Check out the list below to know how.

A lot of us have been taught that being happy in a relationship is something that just happens.

When you're in a relationship, it's totally normal and healthy for your partner to be a major source of joy and happiness in your life — but things cross the line into unhealthy territory if you depend on your partner for happiness. Your partner knows or senses this, too. Even if you consider yourself an independent person as an individual, that doesn't necessarily mean you're immune from exhibiting codependent behaviors within the context of a relationship.

Why You Shouldn’t Try to Make Your Partner Happy

My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties and have been together for 7 years. He's a kind, loving and respectful partner, so I find it difficult to explain exactly why I feel this way. Of course, like anybody, he isn't perfect.

Relationships, particularly long-term ones, are a lot of things: difficult, complicated, illuminating, fulfilling, heartbreaking and joyful. After being married for nearly a decade, I would know. Three years ago, my husband and I went through the hardest year of our marriage. My mother died, my teenage brother moved in with us and both of us realized our center would not hold. Not by doting, necessarily, or performing large acts of love, but in subtler ways.

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Dec 11, - The feeling of not knowing what your partner is thinking can be Salkin said that when the excuse-o-meter hits a high is when you need to look at the bigger "If you're trying to talk to your boyfriend but he's on his phone or.

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Comments: 1
  1. Talkree

    It is remarkable, very amusing piece

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