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Get your wife to lose weight

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She was a bombshell when you met her, but as long-term commitment settled in so did a few extra pounds on her hips. We all gain a little weight as we age, but if she now ignores healthy habits altogether, it's time to help her realize the risks, without being cruel. There's a fine line between insulting her, and helping her. Learn how to approach the subject the right way. You'll never get anywhere if you say, "Looks like you've put on a few pounds" or "Are you really going to eat that?


How To (Nicely) Tell Your Partner That They Need To Lose Weight

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Has your wife's body changed since you got married? Or maybe you are a woman who is frustrated that your husband has fallen out of shape.

Is it reasonable to ask your spouse to slim down? In most cases, experts agree that you should never lose weight for someone else. But when your husband or wife asks you to lose weight, there may be more on the line to consider.

There is a common belief that you should never lose weight or make any physical change to make other people happy. But that simple response may not tell the whole story in the case of a committed relationship. Husbands and wives often make changes for the sake of their marriage.

For example, your wife's weight gain might mean that you spend less time together or feel less connected. For example, if two people built a relationship around participation in physical activities and the husband or wife can no longer participate, the quality of the relationship may suffer. In that case, both partners may choose to find another bonding activity or the overweight partner could choose to trim down. A well-intentioned spouse may ask their partner to lose weight simply over concern for their longevity and well-being.

If a spouse is willing to lose weight, it may be an opportunity for both partners to adopt new healthy exercise and eating habits. You might feel that your wife has become less attractive because of her weight. Or maybe your husband doesn't look as fit as he did on his wedding day. So is it reasonable to ask them to change? You may be surprised to hear what some experts believe. Mike Abrams, a board-certified clinical psychologist and psychology professor at New York University says that it can be appropriate to lose weight when there is a significant disparity in the size of the spouses.

Abrams authored a book called The Art and Science of Rational Eating , which explores weight loss topics including body image and body acceptance. Relative attractiveness describes how partners feel they compare to each other in terms of physical appearance. Abrams discusses how this difficult truth can play out when there has been a significant change in one partner's appearance.

What do you do if you want your wife to lose weight and she is resistant? Or what if you are the wife and your husband wants you slim down? One important factor to consider is the language used to make the request. It's one thing to talk to your partner about how the relationship has changed due to physical activity limitations related to weight gain. Hearing that your partner longs to spend more time with you is very different than simply hearing that they want you to lose weight.

Communication is key when it comes to relationships and using the wrong language can be detrimental to the relationship. In a relationship, conditionality adds an implied "if" to the connection between partners. That can add undue pressure to the overweight spouse. Abrams suggests that if you are the overweight wife or husband and you don't want to lose weight, you can ask your spouse to wait until you are ready to make the change on your own.

He also suggests that you offer an offset. An offset may involve investigating whether or not the request for weight loss is really about weight. In some cases, it may be about something different, like your ability to participate in physical activities. Abrams suggests asking the following questions: Is this all you are really unhappy about? Are there other things we can work on in the relationship?

You might also request that the two of you approach healthier behaviors as a united effort. For example, you can suggest that the two of you take an evening walk together after dinner instead of sitting on the couch watching television. Or you can find a healthy cooking class to take together or investigate healthy vacation options.

But when those comments come from a spouse, the harmful effects can be devastating. For many women, and men, use of the word "fat" is demeaning. Abrams suggests that both partners must explore the anger and hostility behind the comments. It is essential, he says, to find out why there is a desire to humiliate a loved one.

In some cases, this conversation can happen with the help of a counselor or marriage therapist. All marriages go through changes and struggles.

Looking to lose weight? Our nutrition guide can help you get on the right track. Sign up for our newsletter and get it free! Annu Rev Clin Psychol. More in Weight Loss.

What Is Conditionality? Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. Verywell Fit uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Related Articles. Why the Breakup Diet Really Works. The Huge Benefits of Losing Weight. Verywell Fit uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience.

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Are You an Asshole If You Ask Your Partner to Lose Weight?

As a BetterHelp affiliate, I may receive compensation from BetterHelp or other sources if you purchase products or services through the links provided on this page. A friend was telling me of her new diet and plans to lose 20 lbs. This is no 50s housewife. This is a progressive, fabulous professional woman who enjoyed an adventurous love life for years before marrying a wonderful also progressive and fabulous man.

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Should wives stay thin for their husbands?

Updated: May 13, References. Being overweight can lead to type 2 diabetes, elevated blood pressure, susceptibility to arthritis and heart disease, sleep apnea, and even stroke. If your wife's weight concerns you, whatever the reason for your concern, you can take positive steps through proper communication, dieting, and exercise. Log in Facebook. No account yet? Create an account. We use cookies to make wikiHow great.

How To Encourage Your Girlfriend or Wife To Lose Weight – Without Getting Slapped!

The world was quick to inform him that no, it's not okay to ask your significant other to lose weight for you, especially when it's simply for the sake of losing weight. And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. The post has so far accumulated over 9, comments, many calling out a dysfunction in his relationship. She deserves someone who loves all of her, and you need to be with someone your type. The only shame is in waiting.

How can you make her feel motivated to lose the weight and to feel happy about doing it, rather than having to get into unnecessary arguments with her where you try to convince her to lose the weight and then, she ends up getting angry at you and it causes problems between you and her? What you need to understand is that her level of motivation to look good for you is directly linked to her level of attraction for you.

Has your wife's body changed since you got married? Or maybe you are a woman who is frustrated that your husband has fallen out of shape. Is it reasonable to ask your spouse to slim down?

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I wrote this for real men who are genuinely concerned about their female partner, and want to help them steer towards change. I feel you. When you see your woman lose her goddess like figure right in front of your eyes, you feel helpless. You feel like you need to save her.

I felt compelled to send you a message after reading the Husband is Overweight entry because my situation is a bit reversed. I'm in the army and my wife is the overweight one lbs and 5'4" and she knows it. She gained weight after she was pregnant with our daughter she had hyperemesis gravidarum which messed her diet up so I've tried to be patient. After about a year and a half she has finally started to make half-hearted attempts because she wants to lose weight before having another child, in case she has another complicated pregnancy. Half hearted attempts include paleo or various other diets for a month at a time without exercise.

Should You Lose Weight to Save Your Marriage?

How do you do that? Chances are your partner will immediately take it as negative feedback or criticism. However, the closer we are to someone, the harder it gets to give them honest feedback — particularly when it comes to delicate topics. Weight is just one of those touchy subjects — especially among women. A nicely intended reference to the muffin top can quickly lead to several days of the silent treatment — uh oh! If someone points a weapon at us, we have two possibilities: attack or defense. This also happens in relationship discussions, especially since we uncounsciously perceive words as weapons. We almost always react by defending ourselves against even the most positively formulated criticism.

Aug 30, - Help Her Lose Weight. How to approach weight loss with your wife or girlfriend without getting slapped.








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